i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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