I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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