on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
