Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize