I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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