Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
