Cold hands, warm shart.
we have officially lost it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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