This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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