I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
