apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
