i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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