Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize