I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Fuck appropriateness.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
