I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
