you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
