So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
