no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
