I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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