No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
