I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
