My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You can't just leave with hair like that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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