Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
