They should really pass out barf bags in church
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
