Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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