I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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