pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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