sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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