I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sarcasm needs its own font
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
