There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
not ubering you a puppy
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