She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
