I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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