i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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