I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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