hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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