I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
