You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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