last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
