In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize