Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
