Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
high people should be assigned attendants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
