I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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