He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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