I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
