I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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