I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
