You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You ruined the universe
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
