I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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