I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
