is your mom at the bar?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
