Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
