I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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