Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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