I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
