sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
