did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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