Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
