Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
