i think i have two assholes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
