last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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