Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
