Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
