Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
