We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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