he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
