how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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