can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
