can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
