Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
