The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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