i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
