Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
