btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
