just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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